Susan Burrell

One Sip at a Time, Blog

My Ringtone - Saved Me!


When I was younger and suffered a relationship break up, I would listen to any “love” song on the radio wondering why he left or didn’t love me. The singers would bemoan my exact experience. Why didn’t he love me anymore? What more could I have done?  Was it always my fault that he didn’t want me?? Of course these songs only made me feel more depressed and worthless. Not the pop 40’s fault. It was a loop in my brain that kept repeating. “You are unlovable. You are worthless.” The more I felt like a victim, the more that neuro synapse hardwired. “You are a victim of a man who doesn’t doesn’t love you.” I didn’t realized that listening to those sad songs subconsciously hard wired my brain. I would then go on and find more relationships that eventually ended heart break. Relationships that reinforced my belief that I was unworthy of love.   

When my 28 year marriage ended; I had grown enough within myself to realize I had been living for 28 years under the mistaken belief I was unloveable and/or I had to protect my heart from being trampled on by my husband. I had built a rock hard protection around my heart until it was a fortress. Realizing my marriage was over shattered the surrounding walls of my heart and I was forced to go deeper within myself in order to come out whole, healed and healthy.  Hence, happy.

I made a conscious choice not to come out of my divorce embittered and emotionally broken. I wanted my second half of life to be everything and more than my first half. I wanted freedom to be fully me. I wanted happiness on all levels. Most importantly, I wanted to love myself more than I ever had before. I chose not to listen to sad songs. I focused on songs of healing and empowerment. Fortunately there were plenty of what I call women’s anthem songs on the radio. Many caught my attention. Many new thought songs lifted my battered heart and I began to heal. Kelly Clarkson’s song, What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger became my ringtone. It reminded me and reinforced the idea that I was strong and I would survive, coming out stronger than ever before. 

Start right where you are - NOW, and only listen to songs, podcasts, people who inspire and uplift you. Only allow positive, loving  thoughts into your mind. Choose to hang out with people who love and believe in you. Consciously choose to rewire your brain towards self love. 

And make your ringtone your anthem for self healing and self love. Why not do that even when you may not be in drama over the man who done you wrong?  You are worth it. You deserve to be happy and free to be who you came here to be. I am living proof.